Literally making this combo up as I go. My goal was just to try the choker split because I hadn’t done it in forever (and had forgotten how uncomfortable it is, lol) but instead of stopping there, one thing slowly transitioned to another. Could I have made these transitions smoother if I did them again before posting it? Sure but instead I’m kind of enjoying reflecting on my pole journey, where it started and how far it has come. I couldn’t tie two moves together to save my life when I first started pole. Combos, creation and free dance were a mythical thing to me that only the pole gods were privy to. I came to pole with a ballet background (a couple decades in my past) which did help with some body awareness and lines but brought nothing to the table as far as creativity and body appreciation. My ballet training impressed upon me how important it was to look like everyone else in the class (same exact hairdo with nothing out of place, same tights, same leotard, everyone does the same thing at the same time with the music or you will have the wrath of the ballet mistress rained down upon you). My ballet training, along with my conservative christian upbringing also gave me a very unhealthy dose of body loathing. Add a decade and a half of marriage to a narcissist and you have a very mentally, physically and emotionally unhealthy me.
I turned 41 this year. I started pole in 2012. Pole has changed my life in every way. It’s given me a way to express myself, physical and mental strength and has helped me find a confidence in myself that I couldn’t have imagined anything ever would. It’s fear that holds us back from trying new things, creating new things. Fear of doing it wrong, fear of being made fun of, fear of not being accepted or loved. No it wasn’t just doing pole that helped me work thru so many of my fears. There has been a lot of self work in there but pole was definitely a catalyst. It was the first step that gave me a glimpse of what I was capable of. A glimpse at a person that was worth more than what I had been taught to believe. Now at 41 I have stretch marks, wrinkles and copious amounts of scars all on a body that is literally falling apart due to a congenital joint disorder that causes my joints to be unstable and dislocate at random but I love this body more every day. I love what my body is capable of despite it’s issues. My “imperfections” are what make me who I am.
My journey is the reasons that I am so passionate about teaching pole, aerial, contortion and all the things. I know what a difference it has made in my life especially when It comes to confidence and I love being able to help others unlock their confidence and find strengths they may never have known they had. I know so many of you have similar stories, maybe different variables but still a similar story. I truly love being able to help others unlock their potential and to see what they are capable of mentally and physically and that crosses over to so many non-pole related aspects of life. For those of you just starting out, or still struggling…don’t stop, don’t give up on yourself….you got this! This is all part of the creation process, all part of your journey.