Sometimes it needs to not be all about the tricks, or a destination. Just let it flow and see where you find yourself. With each move and change of direction you learn a little more about yourself.

 

Talking about free dance, or life in general?  I discovered my love for pole during a very tumultuous time in my life (let’s be honest here, my life sometimes seems to be just a series of tumultuous events).  In the beginning pole was just a form of exercise but it has become so much more over the years.  It has become my emotional outlet.  I used to be a runner and I found that running when I was stressed or worked up about something helped me work thru things and calmed me.  But I have found that nothing quite compares to a free dance. Sometimes it energizes me and makes me feel like I can take on the world. Sometimes it soothes my soul, reminding me that I’m right where I need to be because it’s not all about the destination, it’s not about perfection or expectations.  Sometimes it rips me wide open and leaves me in a tearful heap on the floor, unlocking the frustrations I’ve tried to hide and the hurts I’ve tried to heal.  A free dance is such a vulnerable thing, it’s our heart and soul trying to speak thru our bodies, expressed thru movement.  It can be a beautiful thing…sometimes. Sometimes it feels more like a war. Our insecurities and self doubt raging against that outer layer that sometimes works so hard to hide it all.  Sometimes we are afraid to look at what that free dance might unearth, let alone allow someone else to watch it.

 

I’m sure many of you polers can relate to this, I do pole for me, I dance for me. I do it because I love it. Not to impress anyone but because it makes me happy.  Despite having had multiple opportunities to do so, I never free danced in front of my ex-spouse in the over a decade that we were together.  Fear of judgment, fear of ridicule, fear of having my free-dance sanctuary tainted by his jokes and derogatory comments.  It wasn’t until after I detached from him that thru a series of events he happened to be in my studio working on something as I was about to dance. It didn’t phase me that he was there, or that he could see me. I danced anyway. Danced like no one was watching, because I didn’t care who was watching anymore. I didn’t realize entirely at the time what a pivotal moment that was and what it meant to have reached that point in my personal journey.  Because I was no longer afraid of who I was, no longer afraid of what he thought of me. I know I’m not perfect, I know I make mistakes, I’m exactly where I need to be on the dance floor and in life.  Turns out nobody has all the answers, nobody knows how it’s all going to end up.  How do you compare one free dance to another when it is the expression of someone’s heart and soul and likewise how can you judge someones life and life choices.  Sometimes it’s beautiful and fluid, seemingly effortless, but sometimes it’s downright messy, awkward and painful.  It’s all part of the dance, all part of the journey, all part of life.